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Gratitude




       Gratitude is the state of being thankful and the feeling of appreciation. I often heard this word bandied about in early recovery, usually attached to room introductions that so and so is a grateful recovering alcoholic. I even used the word to describe myself, but was never fully honest about it.  I was certainly thankful for the rooms of AA, it was the only safe option I had to spend my time.  Without AA, my options were limited to finding a quiet place on my ship to isolate myself or sitting in the nearest bar, power drinking Diet Coke and chain smoking Camel Lights until I was sick to my stomach.

I understood gratitude on a cerebral level.  I could even practice it on a physical level, but the emotional feeling of gratitude eluded me. My first sponsor would always tell me that gratitude is an action word, meaning if one feels grateful (for their recovery) that one would become involved in AA service work. I cannot say enough about getting involved in service work, it does really help in maintaining sobriety, but as far as gratitude goes, it did little for me.

        It took a great deal of hard work on my recovery before I began to feel an inkling of thankfulness. I continued working through the steps and practicing AA principles in all of my affairs, including getting help for my problems other alcoholism.  It was then I felt a shift in consciousness and for the first time felt grateful.  Continued practice resulted in the beginning of true spiritual awakening.

The most important aspects of gratitude are not empty words or hollow actions, but genuine feelings of appreciation for life. I can only speak from my own experience, but once this feeling has touched you; once it has truly filled your being with light, you will see the world as you never have before. Meditating on gratitude filled my soul with a love for life I never before experienced.

       I felt at peace with all the world in this all-encompassing moment; as if divinity radiated through my entire being.  I didn’t simply see, but I felt, truly felt for the first time completely at peace with myself. I was living in the moment of now and it was perfect; despite all that was wrong in my life, it was perfect.  The feeling was more powerful than even love itself.

        Many positives grew out of this transcendental moment. There are many benefits which sprang from my attitude of gratitude. Here are a few: I no longer dwell in the past and ruminate on my problems. I have less stress, greater motivation and am more willing to move outside my comfort zones and explore life. I accept myself and life completely knowing that I am a continual work in progress. By far the greatest gift gratitude have given me, is the courage to put one foot in front of the other to live life on life’s terms.

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