Progress Not Perfection

     Labor Day 1989 was the start of a journey I never expected to take. 29 years ago yesterday in the parking lot of a bar called Happy Days Again; I stood in the parking lot after the bar closed waiting for my ride while drinking a Bud Light   I didn't know it at the time, but it was the last drink I ever had.       I have been sober for more than half my life. Each anniversary is a mind-blowing miracle. I never was supposed to live to see 20 years old.  Once I got sober, I never planned on staying sober. It was to get the heat off of me, get my head screwed on tight and fix the mess that was my life. It never happened the way I planned it.  Despite all my resistance and negativity, not only did I quit drinking, but I was able to turn my life completely around. It took a lot longer than I wanted it to, but the promises did come true.      Having a lot of time under my belt does not equal having a perfect life....

Our primary purpose in AA is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. In the early days of recovery, our focus is on staying away from the first drink. After we get some time sober, we need to start working on the rest of our recovery. In the beginning, I sold myself short by limiting my definition of sobriety. I did not see that being sober is about so much more than staying away from a drink. It’s a brand new way of living. Sobriety offers us a chance to have the life we never thought were capable of having. Learning to live life on life’s terms is not always easy. The first sentence of the pop psychology classic The Road Less Travelled states that “Life is difficult!”  How true is that? It's even more so for the newly sober alcoholic. We may have decade’s worth of dysfunctional living we need to overcome. This takes time. Be patient. It's frustrating, but think of time as an acronym: This I Must Earn.  Have patience. By using the principles of the...

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”    Mahatma Gandhi                An overinflated ego is a major trait of alcoholics. In our minds, we are the center of the universe and the world revolves around us. The Big Book states, Selfish – Self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles!₁  Getting involved in service work assists in ego deflation. In order to keep it, you have to give it away is a phrase often heard in the rooms. Being of service to others is a key foundation to recovery. But what if you don’t know how to give it away? What if your struggle is with yourself and your inability to connect with others? Perhaps you are sitting in the back of a crowded room feeling less than and better than everyone else? How do you shut off the voice inside your head without having a panic attack and running away? It is no...

Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.                 I will be the first to admit that I had zero understanding of this step. On the surface it sounds easy enough; as the slogan says “Let Go and Let God.”   But what exactly does that mean?   I had a certain anxiety about God. I thought at best I was God’s personal jester; a puppet to be played with when He needed a laugh. How could I trust Him with my life?                    The Big Book and 12 x 12 point out that faith in a Higher Power was critical to the effectiveness of the rest of the steps.   Like many others, I turned to the religion of my upbringing for greater clarity. However, I wanted nothing to do with religion. I wasn’t trying to be saved, delivered or anything e...

The 2 nd   Step – Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.                 Rising from rock bottom is not easy. Not only are we confronted with staying away from a drink but we also face the need to change our thinking too. After admitting we were alcoholics, we arrive at the 2nd Step. Step 2 is the bridge of hope from a hopeless condition to the promise of a new life. To take this step we are only required to believe. Belief is the key word! It’s the beginning of change.                    This was a bit tricky for me. I saw the 2 nd Step not only telling me to believe in a Higher Power*, but to also admit that I was insane. My willingness to believe took a heavy stumble when it came to seeing anything positive for myself.    In the beginning all I believed in was f...

I had no intention of quitting drinking when I walked into that Sunday night meeting. I was there by my own choice, but I was only hoping to take the spotlight off of me and avoid another rehab. 10 people sat around the table night, drinking coffee and chain smoking. I sat scared and full of fear. I was the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years.  Don’t let my young age fool you. At 19 I was already a veteran of one rehab and two forced stints in AA. Step 1 confronted me that night, but I couldn’t fully accept it. I was way too young to be an alcoholic. Powerless over alcohol? No way! Sure, I drank a lot. So did all my friends. All my actions, all my thoughts, and all my ambitions centered upon drinking. But all I could admit to was the unmanageability of my life. That was why I went to that meeting in the first place. Normal people didn't try to kill themselves every time they drank. I knew I had a problem with depression or insecurity or loneliness. Drink...

            I want to preface by saying I am not a doctor, counselor or mental health professional. I cannot offer any diagnosis or treatment plan. I am sharing my experience in hopes that it will encourage those who are still suffering to get help. Life can be better.              My battles with mental health were more serious than my alcoholism. In retrospect, it was obvious that I suffered from depression as an early teen. I remember feeling different from all those around me. I was somehow less than everyone else. I don’t recall any depressive issues like I experienced when I was older, but I was painfully shy, lonely and anxiety riddled most of the time. Shamefully, my best friend during this time was the kid living next door who was five years younger than me. Most of my free time was spent watching TV.  When I started drinking, I quickly discovered that alcohol could melt the knot of exis...

               T he phrase,  Letting Go , is heard often in recovery. What exactly does it mean? In short, it’s accepting we only have control over ourselves and our actions. It’s easier said than done. There are no magical shortcuts. Change is hard! Changing the way we think is even harder!                Early in recovery, there were endless recitations of the Serenity Prayer. I would grit my teeth often and did my best to practice acceptance. It seemed that my fellow AA’s had an easier time at Letting Go than I did. As a matter of fact, they seemed to have mastered the art of surrender, while I remained stuck in the morass of everyday life, but I was told to keep trying, that I would get it.                In time, through repetitive practice and prayer, I was able to fumble...

       Gratitude is the state of being thankful and the feeling of appreciation. I often heard this word bandied about in early recovery, usually attached to room introductions that so and so is a grateful recovering alcoholic. I even used the word to describe myself, but was never fully honest about it.  I was certainly thankful for the rooms of AA, it was the only safe option I had to spend my time.  Without AA, my options were limited to finding a quiet place on my ship to isolate myself or sitting in the nearest bar, power drinking Diet Coke and chain smoking Camel Lights until I was sick to my stomach. I understood gratitude on a cerebral level.  I could even practice it on a physical level, but the emotional feeling of gratitude eluded me. My first sponsor would always tell me that gratitude is an action word, meaning if one feels grateful (for their recovery) that one would become involved in AA service work. I cannot say enou...

Much of the criticism I hear directed at Alcoholics Anonymous is the mistaken idea that one must find God, ergo some religious form of God to get sober.   I know there are many who eschew AA for the very reason; some people have a very difficult time separating the idea of God from religion.   The wording of the 3 rd step allows us personally define our Higher Power. The 3 rd Step phrase, “-God as we understand Him,” display the genius of co-founder Bill W.   Whether through foresight or his own resistance toward religion, this wording of the 3 rd Step, opened the door to countless people who have never given AA a chance. It’s was quite a remarkable idea at the time, considering that AA was born in 1935, it’s spiritual framework built up on the tenants of The Oxford Group (now named Moral Rearmament) which was a decidedly Christian organization.   AA, by leaving the God door open, has helped millions of non-Christians, including Jews, Muslims and B...

            The 12 Steps of AA share spiritual themes such as honesty, humility, and forgiveness with all the world’s great religious traditions. However religious belief is not necessary to work the steps or get sober. The concepts of God or a Higher Power are entirely personal to the individual.   Actions such taking a moral inventory, making amends, and being of service to others are guidelines to sobriety. The steps help us not only to get and stay sober, but to help us evolve and become better versions of ourselves. The first definition I heard of spirituality was that “Religion was for people afraid of going to Hell and spirituality was for people for already had been there.”     As a veteran of multiple tours to the lower realms, I could identify, but what is spirituality? It can be easily misunderstood as religion. You can certainly be spiritual while being religious, but religious belief is not necessary. Spiri...