“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Mahatma Gandhi
An overinflated ego is a major trait of alcoholics. In our minds, we are the center of the universe and the world revolves around us. The Big Book states, Selfish – Self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles!₁ Getting involved in service work assists in ego deflation.
In order to keep it, you have to give it away is a phrase often heard in the rooms. Being of service to others is a key foundation to recovery. But what if you don’t know how to give it away? What if your struggle is with yourself and your inability to connect with others? Perhaps you are sitting in the back of a crowded room feeling less than and better than everyone else? How do you shut off the voice inside your head without having a panic attack and running away? It is not easy getting out of yourself when you are mired in self-loathing, but you must try or else risk being stuck inside a mind full of deluded thoughts, regrets, and resentments.
I have struggled all my life in social situations. Talking to people terrified me. I have battled back anxiety attacks when trying to answer another person’s question in a meeting. The idea of helping others to help myself was too much for me. I used logic to defend my non-action. If my primary motivation for helping others was to help myself, was I actually being of service? It has taken a lot of hard work and perseverance to overcome this character defect. To see how my experience can benefit others.
I had a roommate in 1992 who urged me to be of service to others and volunteer my time to worthy causes. I always turned him down with the same excuse, I was too shy to be of service to anyone or anything. He always replied that the shyest person in the room also has the biggest ego. It took me 20 years to realize what he meant. Most of what I believed about myself was fear and ego. I was shy because of my self-centered fears of what other people thought of me.
Getting involved earlier in service work would have spared me a great deal of pain. The periods where I had the strongest sense of recovery are when I was invested in a lot of service work. It boosted my flagging self-esteem. It helped lift my depressed spirit and removed the ego as the center of my attention. The greatest thing about service work is that you don’t need long-term sobriety to get involved. There are plenty of excellent opportunities for the newcomer to get involved. Getting active in a group helps others and helps strengthen your recovery. Here are Five Service Positions I wish I had gotten involved with in early recovery:
1) Become a greeter. It’s a great way to get out of yourself and get to know others. Of all the positions I have held in various home groups, this by far was the most rewarding. As a shy person, the prospect of greeting people walking through the door was terrifying. My home group at the time was the Mililani Monday Night Men’s Stag in Oahu. In Hawaii, they don’t shake hands, but they hug each other. Every Monday night I would have to hug 20 large Samoan men and tell them how happy I was to see them. Needless to say, this helped me to overcome my shyness. Stand outside the meeting door, introduce yourself and welcome them to the meeting.
2) The Coffee Maker – Arguably the most important service position. It’s a great way to get involved and be part of the group. Depending on the size of the meeting, you might need to make an industrially sized urn of coffee. This means getting to a meeting sometimes as much as a ½ hour early. You will have the group depending on you, making it a hard meeting to miss. An added perk is that you have first dibs on treats there are to snack on.
3) Setting up the meeting– Another job that requires you to get there early. Not all meetings have the luxury of permanent standing chairs. Many times it’s an empty room that requires setup. Someone needs to get there early and put the chairs out. Usually, you help to set out any literature as well and whatever else the meeting needs to function.
4) Talking to others. This is the most simple and most overlooked form of service work. Talking to another alcoholic will do wonders. Most times it is easier for an alcoholic to talk to another alcoholic. It’s the survivor mentality. You could be providing another person hope while keeping your memory green.
5) Share your story. Too often I see people who don’t have a lot of sober time, shy away from telling their story. The raw pain of what brought them to the rooms is powerful. People early in recovery are more apt to connect to and relate with those also fairly new. I remember when I had less than 30 days sober and a girl got up to share that she had 9 months sober. That was incredible to me. At the time, there were many people in the room who had more time sober than I had alive. 20 Years sober was an abstract thought, but 9 months was realistic and something I could do.
Being of service is not about patting yourself on the back. It is not about paving a road to heaven or anything else you might receive in return. It’s helping another human being or worthy cause. There are people who struggle with loneliness, addictions, and depression. People trying to make sense of their lives. Frightened and confused, they could be closed down and shut off. I still struggle with my own issues but I know today I do have something to offer. I don’t have to save the world. I can keep it simple, knowing that extending my hand in friendship might be the miracle someone needs.
₁ Alcoholics Anonymous page 62
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