Progress Not Perfection

Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.                 I will be the first to admit that I had zero understanding of this step. On the surface it sounds easy enough; as the slogan says “Let Go and Let God.”   But what exactly does that mean?   I had a certain anxiety about God. I thought at best I was God’s personal jester; a puppet to be played with when He needed a laugh. How could I trust Him with my life?                    The Big Book and 12 x 12 point out that faith in a Higher Power was critical to the effectiveness of the rest of the steps.   Like many others, I turned to the religion of my upbringing for greater clarity. However, I wanted nothing to do with religion. I wasn’t trying to be saved, delivered or anything e...

Citing the dictionary, resentment is defined as the bitter indignation at being treated unfairly. Commonly it is said that resentment is akin to drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.   Real or imagined, resentment, shapes and darkens the twisted view of our self-importance and self-impotence.   Left unchecked resentment becomes our identity blinding and burning us with anger and hatred. I know because I lived that way for shameful number of years. What really causes resentment within us? What personal slight could cause us to spiral downward into such a poisonous state of mind?   Is it a knee jerk reaction to perceived wrongs or our egocentric view of the world? Most of the time I am positive that those who have wounded us in such a manner do not even know they have harmed us. Perhaps it’s because we have no way of expressing such feelings, of if we do, they are emotionally immature and anger filled responses. I don’t think it can be...

            The 12 Steps of AA share spiritual themes such as honesty, humility, and forgiveness with all the world’s great religious traditions. However religious belief is not necessary to work the steps or get sober. The concepts of God or a Higher Power are entirely personal to the individual.   Actions such taking a moral inventory, making amends, and being of service to others are guidelines to sobriety. The steps help us not only to get and stay sober, but to help us evolve and become better versions of ourselves. The first definition I heard of spirituality was that “Religion was for people afraid of going to Hell and spirituality was for people for already had been there.”     As a veteran of multiple tours to the lower realms, I could identify, but what is spirituality? It can be easily misunderstood as religion. You can certainly be spiritual while being religious, but religious belief is not necessary. Spiri...

What it was like, what happened and what it is like today. I grew up in an alcoholic home, my earliest memories are of my father’s drinking.   I clearly remember being 4, 5 and 6 years old and he was never without a beer.   I used to like sit on his lap and takes little sips of his beer or the last drip of whisky in his shot glass. I saw my father as a very happy when he was drinking and I equated drinking with happiness. As I grew up my father’s drinking got worse, my younger brother and I quickly seized upon his drinking habits and begin stealing his drinks when he wasn’t looking. There were many rum bottles emptied into our root beer and bottles of brew that would go missing from the fridge. Wherever my father went, there was sure to be booze about, so we liked to tag along.   Invariably he would share drinks with us or we would steal whatever was about. By 13, my father’s drinking was out of control and it was very easy to get a drink whenever I w...