Progress Not Perfection

My grandiose plan during my drinking days was to become a best-selling author.  That was my dream. Of course, I did more drinking than writing, but I always talked a good game. My idol was the lead singer of The Doors, Jim Morrison. Besides being the frontman of one the 60s biggest rock bands, he was also a poet and alcoholic.  I patterned my drinking career on his life. His death at 27 (from drinking) didn’t faze me. I was the same misunderstood genius he was. I wanted to be exactly like him. Trying to keep up with such legendary drunk was hard work. My efforts certainly contributed to my brief by intense drinking career. I was not built to be the type of drunk I aspired to be. My depression was too big of an obstacle to overcome to reach the heights to be a professional alcoholic.                My drinking buddies were concerned when they heard I got sober. Of course, they didn’t think I...

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”    Mahatma Gandhi                An overinflated ego is a major trait of alcoholics. In our minds, we are the center of the universe and the world revolves around us. The Big Book states, Selfish – Self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles!₁  Getting involved in service work assists in ego deflation. In order to keep it, you have to give it away is a phrase often heard in the rooms. Being of service to others is a key foundation to recovery. But what if you don’t know how to give it away? What if your struggle is with yourself and your inability to connect with others? Perhaps you are sitting in the back of a crowded room feeling less than and better than everyone else? How do you shut off the voice inside your head without having a panic attack and running away? It is no...

Great Falls Virginia  . I still have my struggles with anxiety and maintaining my serenity. In part, they are due to physical and geographical burnout. Sometimes life is life. I do what I can. I have a greater awareness of myself and my needs today. Serenity goes hand in hand with connecting with my spiritual side. This includes spending time in nature. Recent studies have advised that city living is detrimental to psychological health₁. Getting away from concrete and pavement and spending time in open green spaces is good for or us ₂. I didn't need a study to tell me that city life does not agree with me. I know first-hand having lived it. My professional life has had me sitting at a desk, staring at a computer monitors eights hour a day. Work is not the only part of my day. I have been commuting back and forth from Jersey to Manhattan for the past 20 years. I like my job, love who I work with, but the commute will be my death. The hustle and bustle of tr...

A blessing of long-term sobriety is perspective. Charting my growth through the lens of recovery. There are many instances where I sputtered and stalled but my life is certainly better than I ever dreamed possible. Without a doubt, getting sober when I did, saved my life. It took me too long to understand the gift of sobriety.  I still don’t see the entirety of it all. I feel blessed catching only glimpses of possibilities, which range from the mundane to the spectacular. I am convinced AA is but a start to a greater life. But I have to stay centered on the principles of the program to get there. The Steps are not a one-time exercise taking me from misery to serenity. They are living guidelines that can take me as far I want to go. Practicing the AA principles in my life has brought about a dramatic transformation of being. In the beginning, AA granted the means to get sober. It offers me a safe place to go for community and support. Most of it all it gave me hope. ...

               T he phrase,  Letting Go , is heard often in recovery. What exactly does it mean? In short, it’s accepting we only have control over ourselves and our actions. It’s easier said than done. There are no magical shortcuts. Change is hard! Changing the way we think is even harder!                Early in recovery, there were endless recitations of the Serenity Prayer. I would grit my teeth often and did my best to practice acceptance. It seemed that my fellow AA’s had an easier time at Letting Go than I did. As a matter of fact, they seemed to have mastered the art of surrender, while I remained stuck in the morass of everyday life, but I was told to keep trying, that I would get it.                In time, through repetitive practice and prayer, I was able to fumble...

                It’s not a very original term. All the great religious and spiritual traditions have their path in one form or another. The means by which they ascend the hierarchies of belief to reach oneness with their God. If fact the Chinese philosophical of Taoism, translates to the way or the path. I have been in recovery for close to three decades. At times I have struggled simply living life. I have battled varying degrees of depression and anxiety at times so crippling I could not get out of bed. Through my struggles I found a way forward though darkness and into the light of being. I call this The Path I came from a place pure blackness. I could see no light. I felt only fear and self-loathing. I lived this way for years, somehow managing not only to stay alive, but to have a career and a family. Make no mistake, both my job and my kids suffered. Pride and fear prevented me from seeking help. My ego’s inability t...