Progress Not Perfection

Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.                 I will be the first to admit that I had zero understanding of this step. On the surface it sounds easy enough; as the slogan says “Let Go and Let God.”   But what exactly does that mean?   I had a certain anxiety about God. I thought at best I was God’s personal jester; a puppet to be played with when He needed a laugh. How could I trust Him with my life?                    The Big Book and 12 x 12 point out that faith in a Higher Power was critical to the effectiveness of the rest of the steps.   Like many others, I turned to the religion of my upbringing for greater clarity. However, I wanted nothing to do with religion. I wasn’t trying to be saved, delivered or anything e...

I had no intention of quitting drinking when I walked into that Sunday night meeting. I was there by my own choice, but I was only hoping to take the spotlight off of me and avoid another rehab. 10 people sat around the table night, drinking coffee and chain smoking. I sat scared and full of fear. I was the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years.  Don’t let my young age fool you. At 19 I was already a veteran of one rehab and two forced stints in AA. Step 1 confronted me that night, but I couldn’t fully accept it. I was way too young to be an alcoholic. Powerless over alcohol? No way! Sure, I drank a lot. So did all my friends. All my actions, all my thoughts, and all my ambitions centered upon drinking. But all I could admit to was the unmanageability of my life. That was why I went to that meeting in the first place. Normal people didn't try to kill themselves every time they drank. I knew I had a problem with depression or insecurity or loneliness. Drink...

                 Resentment! The awful poison we take while hoping someone else dies. The Buddha said that holding onto resentment is like picking up a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else – we get burned.    Unresolved resentment leads to feelings of victimization and increased negativity; a state of mind where we are consumed by bitterness, anger and discontentment.    Long term effects can make us physically sick, emotionally hostile and bleed over to affect all of those around us. A life centered on  deep resentment leads to only futility and unhappiness .    For the alcoholic harboring them it can be fatal. How do we overcome resentments?   How do we let go of our negative feelings toward those who have “wronged” us?    Resentments can come from anywhere. Maybe we have an unsympathetic boss or a controlling spouse...

               T he phrase,  Letting Go , is heard often in recovery. What exactly does it mean? In short, it’s accepting we only have control over ourselves and our actions. It’s easier said than done. There are no magical shortcuts. Change is hard! Changing the way we think is even harder!                Early in recovery, there were endless recitations of the Serenity Prayer. I would grit my teeth often and did my best to practice acceptance. It seemed that my fellow AA’s had an easier time at Letting Go than I did. As a matter of fact, they seemed to have mastered the art of surrender, while I remained stuck in the morass of everyday life, but I was told to keep trying, that I would get it.                In time, through repetitive practice and prayer, I was able to fumble...