Progress Not Perfection

“Someone once told me the definition of Hell: The last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”– Anonymous I am an introvert. I like to think. I like to think a lot! It’s not uncommon for me to be lost in thought for hours, following my stream of consciousness wherever it may lead. I used to think so much that my first sponsor banned me from thinking during the first year of my sobriety. Telling me my best thinking made a mess out of my life. Who was I to disagree?  After a year he allowed surface thinking.  My mind always caused me trouble. Much of my recovery has been spent thinking. I had such grand plans for myself.  I loved the Navy. It was going to be my career. I was going be accepted into an officer’s program and rise through the ranks. I was intelligent enough, but I couldn’t get out of my own way. It’s been over 20 years since I have served, but there are times I look back with regret. Wishing I had ta...

       Gratitude is the state of being thankful and the feeling of appreciation. I often heard this word bandied about in early recovery, usually attached to room introductions that so and so is a grateful recovering alcoholic. I even used the word to describe myself, but was never fully honest about it.  I was certainly thankful for the rooms of AA, it was the only safe option I had to spend my time.  Without AA, my options were limited to finding a quiet place on my ship to isolate myself or sitting in the nearest bar, power drinking Diet Coke and chain smoking Camel Lights until I was sick to my stomach. I understood gratitude on a cerebral level.  I could even practice it on a physical level, but the emotional feeling of gratitude eluded me. My first sponsor would always tell me that gratitude is an action word, meaning if one feels grateful (for their recovery) that one would become involved in AA service work. I cannot say enou...