A Higher Power

Much of the criticism I hear directed at Alcoholics Anonymous is the mistaken idea that one must find God, ergo some religious form of God to get sober.  I know there are many who eschew AA for the very reason; some people have a very difficult time separating the idea of God from religion.  The wording of the 3^rd step allows us personally define our Higher Power. The 3^rd Step phrase, “-God as we understand Him,” display the genius of co-founder Bill W.  Whether through foresight or his own resistance toward religion, this wording of the 3^rd Step, opened the door to countless people who have never given AA a chance.

It’s was quite a remarkable idea at the time, considering that AA was born in 1935, it’s spiritual framework built up on the tenants of The Oxford Group (now named Moral Rearmament) which was a decidedly Christian organization.  AA, by leaving the God door open, has helped millions of non-Christians, including Jews, Muslims and Buddhists as well as plenty of agnostics and atheists. Of course there are many AAs who return to their religious roots, but so too are there those who forge their own ideas of who or what is their Higher Power; including those who use the group or nature.

               Inevitable there will be members who will indeed preach from the floor and state their religious beliefs with a fervor.  Take a “Live and Let Live”, approach, such people only speak for themselves.  What they believe is what they believe and if works for them, good, but their way is not the only way.  I am fond of remembering the 10th Tradition which states “AA has no opinion on outsides issue; hence the AA name never be brought into public controversy”.  Believe what works for you. Remember the 3rd Tradition, “The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.”

To avoid controversy or turning others off, I keep ideas about my Higher Power to myself. I don’t go to AA meetings to air out my views on God, I am there for my recovery and to help others. Did I need a higher power to get sober? I don’t know, but it didn’t hurt.  Early in my recover I didn’t have much faith that God believed in me, hence I drifted spiritually the first few years; floating on loosely held beliefs of my youth.  I made attempts to know God through religion and I will admit there was certain comfort is simple beliefs.

               I can’t say if God helped me stay away from a drink or not, but believing did not improve the quality of my life. In retrospect I see what I stayed sober with fear my main motivator.  I didn’t drink, but my life was miserable. I had always suffered from depression but it took on new shapes and sizes and was getting more difficult to keep under control.  At 25 I entered the darkest two years of my life; the depth of depression I fell into was bottomless.  I desperately wanted my life to end simply to stop the pain.

Yet I could not bring myself to commit suicide.  In pain and desperation I began to realize the need for God in in my recovery; not the God of my youth, or of Christian thought, but of a God whom I could believe loved me. I didn’t need rules to obey, dogma to follow, or rituals I needed to practice. I needed to experience God through my own experience, not someone else’s. Spirituality gave me the freedom to choose.

My quest led into what some would call whacky new age beliefs, but finding a higher power in these circles saved my life.  I began to believe that my life was salvageable; that it had purpose and meaning.  That there was plan for me, and it was up to me to live each day to allow that plan to unfold. The greatest thing about spirituality is that I don’t need anyone else’s approval for my beliefs, they are uniquely my own, based upon my experience. 

My beliefs are far from static, they grow and change over time. I have long since moved away from many of the beliefs that help me find my Higher Power. What works for me today, might not work for me tomorrow. I accept that God comes in many forms for many people and they have their own interpretations what that means to them.   I keep an open mind and believer there are many paths to the same destination as we “trudge the road to happy destiny.”