Progress Not Perfection

The Joys of Sobriety, Taking my Son to College In a week I will be taking my oldest son to college. I am so proud and excited for him. Touring colleges around the state of NJ over the last two years, we both fell in love with Rider University. A small private school in Lawrenceville, NJ with a small intimate campus.  My son has a brilliant mind, but he was a lazy student.  Despite having high test scores, his grades were not the best and I was worried he would have limited choices. I was happier than he was when we learned he was accepted to Rider. I know I will be a little sad and a little nervous when I drop him off. It seems like only yesterday I watched him graduate from Kindergarten. Now he is off to college. But this one of the benefits of sobriety, watching my kids grow up. I am not concerned he will repeat what I did myself at his age.  When my father dropped me off at West Virginia University in 1987, I went out looking for a party as soon he le...

My grandiose plan during my drinking days was to become a best-selling author.  That was my dream. Of course, I did more drinking than writing, but I always talked a good game. My idol was the lead singer of The Doors, Jim Morrison. Besides being the frontman of one the 60s biggest rock bands, he was also a poet and alcoholic.  I patterned my drinking career on his life. His death at 27 (from drinking) didn’t faze me. I was the same misunderstood genius he was. I wanted to be exactly like him. Trying to keep up with such legendary drunk was hard work. My efforts certainly contributed to my brief by intense drinking career. I was not built to be the type of drunk I aspired to be. My depression was too big of an obstacle to overcome to reach the heights to be a professional alcoholic.                My drinking buddies were concerned when they heard I got sober. Of course, they didn’t think I...

  "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation -- Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, And I can find no serenity until I accept That person, place, thing, or situation As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes." Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition p. 417 I recently returned from a vacation in the Outer Banks. Going away on holiday is new to me. I rarely took them in the past. Staycations were more my speed. Being away from home caused me more anxiety than any trip was worth.  My girlfriend has helped show me the erro...

“Someone once told me the definition of Hell: The last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”– Anonymous I am an introvert. I like to think. I like to think a lot! It’s not uncommon for me to be lost in thought for hours, following my stream of consciousness wherever it may lead. I used to think so much that my first sponsor banned me from thinking during the first year of my sobriety. Telling me my best thinking made a mess out of my life. Who was I to disagree?  After a year he allowed surface thinking.  My mind always caused me trouble. Much of my recovery has been spent thinking. I had such grand plans for myself.  I loved the Navy. It was going to be my career. I was going be accepted into an officer’s program and rise through the ranks. I was intelligent enough, but I couldn’t get out of my own way. It’s been over 20 years since I have served, but there are times I look back with regret. Wishing I had ta...

The love of another will not be able to fill the void left by not loving yourself." - Anonymous. I have always felt different from my peers. As a teen and well into adulthood, I’ve perceived a void in my soul separating me from everyone else. Drinking was my means of coping. But my drinking career was brief, leaving me to deal with the void without the help of booze. Relationships were one of the ways I tried fixing myself after I got sober. I was convinced love was the missing puzzle piece. It would fill the gaping hole within me. Yet, I was a social misfit and had no idea how to approach women, let alone date them. Hence, I was a spectacular failure at dating. Shy guys with low self-esteem are not in high demand. Add in paralyzing anxiety and you get a very lonely person. I improved a little over time and learned how to fall into relationships. My low self-esteem raged and I did not feel worthy of the women I liked. I would involve myself with women I ...

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better” Albert Einstein Being out in nature is a big part of my recovery. It is as an abstract form of the 11th Step; my time to connect with the Universe. That may be a stretch, but I am not discounting the boost to my mental health and serenity. Being out in nature even for a few hours works wonders for my mind, body, and soul. There are numerous studies which back up this fact. And it beats taking anti-depressants any day. I work in Manhattan and split time between Virginia and New Jersey. I am often worn out by the hustle and bustle of modern life. I need quality downtime to recharge my soul. Getting out into nature is the best way to do this. Sometimes, life gets in the way, and I can't get out as much as I want, but always try. This past weekend my girlfriend and I (and our dog) finally had the chance to hike, and we headed out on a day trip to Leesylvania State Park. Located in Woodbri...